My 25 truths that I hope will inspire you to create a life that you cannot wait to wake up to!

  1. Life is short
  2. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
  3. We are animals and part of nature.  The more time you spend outside, the more connected you will feel to yourself and to everything.
  4. Embrace fear. Stepping out of your comfort zone physically is a sure fire way to grow mentally and emotionally.
  5. To lose weight and add years to your life, compress your eating window to 6-8 hours a day. It can change your life.
  6. Everything you label as “bad” in your life is a lesson – but you have to be awake to learn and show up to pass the test.
  7. The courage to live your truth starts with loving yourself. Loving and respecting yourself enough to feel deserving of your heart’s desire. 
  8. Happiness is the journey not the destination.
  9. “When you have your health, you have 1,000 dreams. When you don’t, you have only one.” – Indian Proverb. Clean up your diet and MOVE EVERYDAY!
  10. Saying HELL YES to new opportunities/activities WILL ultimately enhance your life!
  11. Just say NO. What can you eliminate from your life that is robbing you of time, energy and passion?
  12. Do more of what you love to do! Create your ideal day/week and design your life around what lights your soul on fire!
  13. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
  14. Replace “I do not have time to ________________(workout, meditate, talk to a friend, etc) with________________ “is not important to me,” and see how that’s feels. #toughlove
  15. Acknowledging the awesome will raise your vibration. Even a bad day is pretty fucking great if you wake up and are grateful for breathing. All the small things that make up your life: a cup of coffee, friends, pets, trail runs, sunsets, stars, dancing, laughs… me: hot, running water, an insanely good chicken quesadilla :) AKA be grateful.
  16. Happiness is an inside job. It is a choice in every moment.
  17. We are all connected.
  18. We are all energy. You attract experiences and relationships that match your vibrational frequency.
  19. Love is the greatest power of the universe!
  20. Every relationship we will ever have is an extension of the relationship we have with ourselves.
  21. Be a “light-house!” Exercise daily, eat healthy and fill your mind with positivity. And then go spread that love, light and positive energy out into your community. (Thanks Todd Durkin)
  22. … What we give out, we get back… energy, love, passion.
  23. Who is important to you? Say “Thank you” and “I love you” more frequently! (Refer to #1)
  24. No matter how much you workout or kale you eat, if you do not feed your heart and mind healthy ideas, healing energy and love, you are still going to be unhealthy.
  25. You are the captain of your own ship. Life is supposed to be fucking awesome! If it is not awesome, change it.

I hope a few of these points speak to you and give you the courage to follow your heart and live the life of your dreams. Trust journey, Trust yourself.

Are bad habits dimming your light?

I just finished another month of teaching and training at Rancho la Puerta in Tecate Mexico.  It is a true honor to be able to do what I love at the world’s oldest and most popular fitness and wellness spas. 

I am often asked what it is like to live and work at a spa. While the majority of my days involve leading hikes, personal training, and teaching 2-5 fitness/yoga classes, I also take advantage of every moment and soak up as much knowledge from other instructors and the guest speakers that come in every week.

A big theme of Ranch life is “mindfulness” and living in a cell-phone free environment has been a true gift. It has forced me to come face to face with a bad habit. A habit that I absolutely KNOW dims my light. I have a confession to make. 

I multi-task 


Why just eat, when I can eat and check my emails. Why just fold laundry, when I can fold and listen to a Ted Talk, and of course the thought of going for a run without my music started to freak me out! I realized that except for my daily mediation, my brain was always performing (not very well) double time. Just like our physical bodies cannot perform at their highest level when constantly taxed, your mind also needs a break. 

“To be everywhere is to be nowhere” – Seneca 

Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t watch the news while cooking dinner, or listen to a podcast during your morning commute. But, for me I know that reading, watching, and/or listening to my phone or iPad keeps me from being present and is a way that I distract myself from feeling deeply and facing life. 

Most of us have some form of personal coping habit that we use to hide from life. For some people it is having 1 or 2 glasses of wine every night, for others it is binge-watching Netflix. Even being endlessly productive or being an excessive caregiver can be a way of hiding from unresolved issues, unhealed wounds or challenging conversations. 

We are here on this planet – at this time – TO SHINE! 

Are there any activities or habits that are dimming your light? 

What might you need to take away OR what can you ADD into your life to feel more whole, more authentically you? 

I am big on baby steps, so I now eat my dinners with no iPad, no phone and no book. If I am eating salad, I am one with my salad :) I even started going for runs and hikes without my music, and I always return with a sense of lightness and peace of mind. 

I hope this little exercise on mindfulness helps you shine a little brighter!

2 Seconds to Action!

I really wanted to title this – 2 Seconds to Get Your Ass in Gear :)  This is a continuation of my

New Beginnings November newsletter:

New beginnings can be scary – because change is scary. But new beginnings are also exciting! Did you see what I did there?

I changed fear to excitement.

And when you get excited, how does your body react? Do you stand taller? Do you smile? When I am excited, I usually fist pump or do a mini dance. Yes. I. DO. Ask anyone who knows me. :)

Need a little boost? Try “acting” excited. Do your happy dance or clap your hands or whatever your pumped you does!

It is a simple technique. Tony Robbins calls it ‘changing your state.” Amy Cuddy uses the term “power pose.” Emotions are linked to movement in our bodies. Good posture and a smile (or a super hero pose) produces a more positive state!

Being an extremely shy person, when I have to speak to large groups or teach at new studios, I change my fear to excitement. I literally say to myself, ” I am excited to… ” and stand tall and throw my hands up and jiggle around. Simple, but sometimes it really is that easy to change the perception of your current situation. Turn anxiety and fear into enthusiasm and anticipation! Boom.
If fear is holding you back from making a decision can you look at your situation through the lens of excitement? Would you then take a step forward? Try acting excited RIGHT NOW and see what happens!


Mindfulness lessons from a recovering asana junkie (Part 2): Strength in stepping back and being a student

Strength is defined as: “the state or quality of being physically or mentally strong. 2. the ability to withstand or exert great force, stress, or pressure. 3. something that is regarded as being beneficial or a source of power.”

The idea of strength has changed for me over the years (see Part 1- Inner stillness is the key to outer strength). Power can come in the form of compassion, patience, and even holding back. There is also power in acknowledging that you have much to learn and do not have all of the answers.

This past June I attended a yoga teacher training down in Sayulita, Mexico. It was amazing the amount of people who said – “Don’t you already teach yoga?” Yes, yes I do. I have taken workshops and trainings in various styles including Anusara, Baptiste, Rocket, and Jivamukti yoga and although I have practiced yoga for 14 years now, I was not drawn to teach until just a few years ago. I find the question so interesting because many assume that you are done learning after becoming “certified” for yoga, or fitness training for that matter. Where as I believe that the “certification” is only the beginning.

Henry Ford said, “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”

The greatest teachers I know are the one’s who are also great students. There is a vulnerability in both roles and when you allow yourself to be vulnerable you also allow opportunities to grow and gain strength.

I am currently teaching at Rancho la Puerta down in Tecate, Mexico, one of the oldest fitness and wellness spas – founded in 1940! They recently won “best fitness program” by Travel and Leisure. I am honored to be spending my summer teaching and training here but what is most exciting for me it that I am able to take classes from these world class instructors and presenters. Pinch me. I literally learn new teaching methodologies or cutting edge wellness and mindset practices every single day!

Another huge bonus to taking classes or attending trainings is the knowledge I gain from fellow students. Our minds work in different (but equally cool) ways and you can learn a lot from how other people process information and problem-solve. To be honest, some of my ‘best’ lessons have come from what I see in myself while in a group setting.

“The more you learn, the less you know.”

Life is short and I feel like a little sponge soaking up as much as I can with my limited time on this planet. I admit to being a little obsessed with learning new ways to move my body, and even more obsessed with processing what I learn to share with my students and clients. It is not always a huge success and I definitely stumble quite a bit. But here’s the thing…

“Knowledge comes from learning. Wisdom comes from living.”

You can read all the books, or attend 100’s of classes but it is what you apply that makes the difference. Hmmm.. kind of sounds a lot like taking action. :) Be courageous enough to take action – even if you think you can’t, and especially if it is not perfect.

True wisdom comes from your experience while traveling the road of life.

Be a lifelong learner. Be vulnerable. Be strong.

Mindfulness Lessons From a Recovery Asana Junkie (Part 1): Inner stillness is the key to outer strength

“Inner stillness is the key to outer strength”

13 years ago I would have (internally) rolled my eyes at that quote. I was a devout “Yogini,” or rather, “Asana Junkie,” hitting the mat 4-6 days a week and sometimes taking 2 classes in a row (3 hours!). To me, outer strength was outer strength and Yoga was just another workout for me. Westernized Yoga can be very competitive; I never competed with anyone else in the room, but I did compete with myself. My Drishti (focus) was 100% on me. Drishti is a technique of focusing one’s mind on a specific point so as to eventually see our own truth and sense our connection to everything and everyone around us. We are all one. We are all Divine – and THAT is actually what Yoga is supposed to be about.

FYI, the word Yoga, literally means Unity.

I can’t say that my Drishti back then was bringing me closer to anyone other than maybe my chiropractor. Like many yogis-in-training, I mistook the technique for the goal. I could stare down a point on my mat for my 3 hour classes no problem because I was there to sweat… and nothing could get between me and my workout.

Flash forward 13 years and I realize my Drishti HAS actually taught me a lot about connection. Through practicing inner stillness (AKA meditation) I am able to observe my opinions, and even prejudices that prevent me from seeing and feeling unified with others.

I am by nature an introvert and get my batteries recharged from solo time, but I also LOVE spending time with strong women. Women with their own ideas and a different perspective about our world (hence the creation of SPL retreats ;)
Sometimes our personalities mesh and sometimes they don’t. It is when they don’t (mesh) that it helps to get quiet. And what I mean by get quiet, is meditate.

My favorite description of Drishti is: To see past our outer differences to finally see our inner essence or truth.

Where does your mind go when you do not agree with someone’s opinions or actions? Do you think ugly things or believe that you are better than that person? What is your current truth?

Are you even aware of that little voice in your head?

As a psychology and sociology major I geek out on discovering why people are who they are, and do what they do. Through my own journey of self-discovery, my greatest lessons have been found not by analyzing others, but by becoming aware of my own emotions and reactions (or non-reactions) to people and situations.

So here are two simple steps towards Unity.

1. Awareness
Awareness of our own thoughts.

2. Acceptance.
Acceptance of our differences.

Both can be attained through getting quiet. Focusing on one point (Drishti) whether that be a candle light, or just your breath. The actual point of meditation is not clear your mind but to notice when you get distracted and bring yourself back to your Drishti. Start with 5 minutes and work up from there. You may find that you actually start to crave meditation time!

I now see that inner stillness IS actually the key to outer strength. Not necessarily physical strength, but more importantly STRENGTH OF CHARACTER. Humility, compassion, and patience can bring us together. Because we ARE actually all one.

Be Your Own Guru: What I learned from spending 3 days with Laird Hamilton, Gabby Reece, and Brian Mackenzie.

Laird Hamilton, Gabby Reece and Brian Mackenzie are legends in the extreme sport biz. They recently combined forces and created XPTlife, a complete fitness-lifestyle program that includes bodyweight, gym and water workouts, combined with breathing and active recovery methods. By the way, XPT stands for Extreme Performance Training and these three walk their talk. Laird is most known for surfing giant waves (think 50 to 100 foot monsters), but is also an innovator of many board sports – if you have ever been on a Stand Up Paddleboard (SUP) you can thank Laird for that. His wife Gabby is a former professional beach volleyball player and an incredible role model for healthy living. Brian is the head program director for XPT and a world-renowned strength and conditioning coach.

Last week I had the the pleasure of helping out Laird, Gabby and Brian, and the entire XPTlife team during their inaugural XPT Experience Retreat here in Punta Mita, Mexico! Three days immersed in outdoor fitness, and body and mind wellness techniques – You can bet that I was a kid in a candy store. I soaked up every moment and have already incorporated some of their training principles into my routine.
Here are my 5 big takeaways from the experience:

1. Change is the only constant – The XPT Experience days are full. No moment is the same as the last. You begin with breathing, then pool workouts, strength class, ice plunge, hot saunas, and my beach bootcamp thrown in just for fun! When I began my fitness career, I taught 12 Taebo classes a week for 2 years straight. Every kick, every punch. I did not know how to talk and teach, I could only show (talk) and teach. My body broke and at 24 was over-trained and had constant sciatic nerve shocks running down both legs, chronic back pain, and insomnia. Not awesome. It wasn’t until I started strength training, mountain biking and trail running that I actually began to feel stronger in my body. Today, I am always throwing “out of the box” drills at my students and encouraging my clients to keep mixing up their movements and their workouts. You do not necessarily need to jump in an ice bath (although you may like it – see #2), but try using your less dominant hand to unload the groceries or brush your teeth! Just constantly mix it up!

2. Shock your system – Our society is conditioned for comfort. We get hot and we put on the AC. Two hours post-lunch and we are hangry for a snack. I joke that the reason my husband moved us down to Mexico was so he wouldn’t have to listen to me complain about how ‘cold’ I was all the time. Guest speaker, Dr. Andy Galpin explained that because we are always seeking (and finding) comfort our bodies have actually lost the ability to adapt. You know those people who obesessively shun carbs and now get sick after eating one chip? That is what he is talking about. XPT’s way of shocking the system is the infamous ice bath followed by the not-so-infamous hot sauna. There are physiological benefits to thermal contrast therapy such as blood and lymph circulation, but what we actually got to experience was overcoming something really, really, really uncomfortable. period. During my stage-racing days I had some painful and desperate moments (imagine 10+ hours on a bike saddle) but three minutes being a human slushy was infinitely harder. But I did survive.

3. Learn to breathe – You can live a month or more without food. A week without water, but only a few minutes without air. XPT’s Brian Mackenzie lead us through breath work every morning, either before or after our group workouts. Breath work is something I have toyed with since college, when my (slightly evolved) boyfriend introduced me to Qi Gong breathing techniques. Later I was inspired to start the practice of nasal breathing by performance breath coach Ed Harrold, and spent hours nasal breathing while training for MTB stage races. Brian too has taken different techniques and incorporated them into his classes. What I love is that he gives you different tools and encourages you to find your own practice. One morning, Laird said – “breathe until you see yourself.” I love that. We spend so much of our days looking outside of ourselves. Breath work, at the very least, will help you to get mentally present.       Bottom line – if you think you know how to breathe, you are wrong. Check out some of their breathing videos at:

4. Narrow your focus – So what do you do when you are swimming across a pool with weights while holding your breath? You find calm anywhere you can. Playing in the water holding dumbbells can be very scary for some. The uncertainty causes your breath and heart rate to speed up, and as a result you feel stressed. Gabby’s tip was to ‘narrow your focus’ – literally squint your eyes, because even the energy of looking around uses up valuable oxygen. Seriously. I like this tip and think this can be applied to our day to day life. If you have too many thoughts running around in your head and start to feel a little stressed, just narrow your focus. Pick one thing, knock it out and move on. Calm will follow.

5. Be your own guru – Gabby, Laird, and Brian are constantly researching and learning from the best in the business and openly share what they know. Each incorporates optimal wellness practices into their lives but are flexible and do not obsess about it (amen). They are continually evolving and admit that what they might be teaching in five years may be totally different than today. They also stressed that not every technique is going to work for every person. My advice? Instead of trying your BBF’s new diet or following your gym’s cookie cutter program, try waking up every day and tuning into how you FEEL. What does your body need today in terms of nutrition, movement and rest? Use your intuition. Wellness is not set in stone. Experiment with what makes you feel good, strong, energetic. Be your own guru.

The experience ultimately validated my own training/life principles and gave me more confidence in practices I always hope to inspire in others: Be open to learning new concepts, mix it up, get outdoors and play outside your comfort zone.

Laird told us a saying that they have in Hawaii, “It’s not who you are, but how are you.” I can tell you that besides being uber athletes, these three are kind, passionate and the real deal. If you get a chance to attend one of their workshops or one of their XPTlife Experiences, you will not be disappointed!

5 Tips To Stay Healthy And Balanced As A Busy Entrepreneur

My friend, Tamara Jacobi AKA “Jungle Girl” is the founder of Tailwind Jungle Lodge, an eco-retreat center here in San Pancho, Mexico. This jungle lodge idea was sparked from a college course, which she in turn made into a reality by literally building it, rock by rock, from the ground up. She is currently writing a book about her story, “Wild Entrepreneurship: A Real Life Jungle Book” – an inspiring look at entrepreneurs who are living their life by design and a little off the beaten path. I was honored to share with her my tips for staying healthy and balanced as a busy entrepreneur:
1. You are not what you eat, you are what you absorb!

We all know to eat organic whole foods – fruits and vegetables, meats and whole grains, but if you are not absorbing all the nutrients, your health (mental, physical, sleep, etc) can suffer. I highly recommend having a food sensitivity test, or doing an elimination diet to really get clear on the proper foods that are right for you.

2. When it comes to your workouts, always have a plan B.

There are going to be times a kid is sick or your meeting runs late, and you cannot make your workout. Have an exercise video, a regular run, a 2nd exercise class time, or written workout plan that you can do at home. No excuses.

3. Plan fun into every day.

Fun isn’t just for weekends. For me, exercise IS fun so I kill two birds with one stone. My friends and I have Taco Tuesday Fight Night – We box, we eat tacos, and then watch a movie. You may not have 4 hours to commit to fun, but try to plan at least 10 minutes (out of 1,440!) of joy into your day. Because if you are not feeling joy, then what if the point?

4. Breathe in gratitude.

I take a few minutes everyday to FEEL grateful. Sometimes it is during my morning meditation, or when I walk my dogs. I take deep breathes and thank the universe for x,y,z. It always makes my not-so-good days better and my good days – AMAZING!

5. Breathe some more.

I am big on breathing. You can use your breath to calm your mind in the middle of a crazy day (or yoga class), or you can use your breath to bring power and energy to your body. 20 years ago, my boyfriend at the time was heavy into martial arts and yoga. He taught me a breathing pattern, that I believe is similar to Apnea breathing. It is something I practice almost nightly while I am in bed, before I fall asleep. It is a 1-4-2 breath count. Meaning, breathe in for 1 count, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 2 counts. I typically breathe in for 7, hold for 28, and breathe out for 14. Long exhalations, are scientifically proven to calm your nervous system. I also breathe to power myself up. My close friends make fun of me because before I do anything “big” like point my bike down a steep trail, or speak in public, I always give it a big (loud), quick exhale before I begin.

Simple right? It really can be this easy to stay healthy during busy times. These are just 5 out of 10 tips I shared with Tamara. You’ll have to wait for her book to see the rest!

Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe – 3 ways to raise your vibration TODAY!

We have all heard the expression, “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” But did you know that is physiologically true? At a basic level we are all energy, and energy has power, positive and negative. LIKE literally attracts LIKE. Your vibration sets off a chain reaction that will attract people and situations that match your energy. If you are a genuinely positive individual, your energy or vibration will attract other genuinely positive individuals. But if you are just “trying” to be positive and not truly embodying the emotion, your energy or vibration will attract others vibrating at a similar frequency. Here are 3 ways you can go from “trying” to actually (and authentically) raising your vibe!

IMG_18781. Wake Up On Purpose:

How often do you wake up on purpose? Not just to make breakfast, dress the kids, or check your inbox – but to wake up with a purpose! How do you want to FEEL? Take a moment after waking and sit, breathe, and think of 3 things that make you happy. I bet you will actually start to smile, and that smile begins to raise your vibration – the energy you emit out to the world. Starting your day with the intent of being happy or joyful will set in motion the energy to attract joyful people and joyful experiences. I like to think about my Sadie Bug –>

Even when someone throws a wrench in your plan, or a bowl of cereal on your clothes, or doesn’t get your coffee order right – can you see the humor in the situation, or find anything positive? Or do you always go right into doom and gloom mode? When you look for the positive in everyday situations you are also raising your vibration…

2. Flex Your Optimism Muscle:

Truly. It is a practice. You may not be able to control everything in your life, but do get to CHOOSE how you react to things and in turn how you see your world.

I often hear people automatically default to negativity. Whether it be at the grocery store – “I always get the slow line!.” Driving to work – “Why doesn’t anyone know how to drive!” And even at the gym – “I can’t believe someone took ‘my’ treadmill!”

I am a genuinely positive person, but of course there have been times in my life when I wasn’t always happy on the inside and that reflected in my reactions to things. After my divorce, I made a conscious effort to look for the good in every situation. I flexed my positivity muscle. If I had a negative thought, I would immediately tell myself a different story. I had to do that for quite some time until it wasn’t a conscious decision any longer. Some mindset “gurus” tell people to say “Cancel-Cancel” after a negative word or thought – whatever works for you.

The point is to become conscious to your negativity. Become aware of that inner voice (or outer voice) that spews unhappy comments towards yourself or others.

Yes, sometimes there are crappy things that WILL happen to all of us, but you always have a choice of how you will react and for HOW LONG you are going to dwell in crap-land.

This past October, I missed my flight down to Mexico where I spend my winters. It had just started snowing in Park City that morning and I was excited to escape for the season, but I also had a ton of work to do before my first retreat guests arrived. Bummer. I believe everything happens for a reason, so I was racking my brain trying to see the good in that situation. We drove back to Park City from the airport and I immediately went to the boxing gym and had one last workout with my favorite trainer. Ok, that was pretty good… and I stayed extra long because I didn’t want to walk out in the snow :) The next day I landed in Puerto Vallarta and saw my good friend, Steve, at the airport. He invited me to his house for dinner that evening. It was magical, and had I made my flight the day before I definitely would not have had that experience. I told Steve that he was the reason I missed my flight!

Was it really? I will never know, but why not? It may sound a little naive to walk around with rose-colored glasses on, but I sure prefer roses to crap.

IMG_65063) Go On A Complaining Diet:
I got this one from, Tracy Di Nunzio, the founder of She was born with spina bifida, which is a congenital birth defect where your vertebrae do not form around your spinal cord. She began to paint during her recovery from surgeries and had to crawl around the floor (to paint) because she could not stand upright. She became bitter and began complaining until she read some words by Stephen Hawking.

He said, ‘When you complain, nobody wants to help you.’ So simple and so true.


“If you spend your time focusing on the things that are wrong, then that is what you express and project to people you know. You don’t become a source of growth for people, you become a source of destruction for people. That draws more destructiveness.”

Tracy also put herself on a complaining diet – She would not let herself complain about any situation, and also would not let herself think anything negative about it!

Love that!

Being an optimistic person has many benefits. Not only does positive energy have a lightness to it, but you will feel physically uplifted and mentally calm. And really when was the last time you wanted to hang out with a grouch? People are naturally attracted to positive people, so begin your day with a smile, flex your optimism muscle, and start that complaining diet because…



Scar – A Love Story

Scars usually are the result of a good story – not “good” as in smiley-face emoji’s and fairy tales, but good in the sense of having overcome a fear or a seemingly impossible challenge by facing some physical, mental or emotional demon. Good as in The Heroes Journey.

Each scar that is etched on my body is a permanent reminder of a lesson, and a moment in time. From a fearless first-grader trying to fly, to the countless crashes on my mountain bike, to the most noticeable and most life changing scar–my surgery to remove a Pancreatic tumor. This physical scar is what people notice, but it is the emotional scars that have left a larger mark on my life.


As they rolled me into surgery the doctor said with a smile, I’ll be giving you the “Mercedes Benz Cut.” I imagined the little silver hood adornment atop those sleek cars. Cute. What I got was a giant Peace Sign. Ironic, because up until that moment, I had never felt peace when it came to my stomach–shivering at the thought of being touched, and taking every opportunity to pull a shirt down. Ironic also that my name, Shanti, is Hindi for “Peace.”

My life before surgery, what I now call my “past life,” was a dream. And I do not mean fuzzy memories. I mean, at a very young age I already felt like I was living my dream. I started teaching Taebo (kickboxing aerobics) up in the Bay Area right out of college. Soon after, I was living the fantasy-trainer life, personal training and jetting off to exotic locales with my clients all over the country and also abroad. I taught fitness classes at two major motion film studios in the Bay Area AND was a fitness model in my spare time.

While my outside looked amazing, my inside was a disgusting mess full of low self-esteem and a self-worth-ometer set at zero. I punished my body overtraining for mountain bike races, Muay Thai (kickboxing) and trail running. Even yoga was a platform for self-abuse, beating myself up if I did not perform double chaturangas throughout every vinyasa yoga class. I now realize that I pushed my body to extremes to quiet my inner torment.

And the punishment did not stop at my physical endeavors.


This photo was taken about 5 months before my surgery. Two days before the shoot, I stopped eating anything solid. It was 48 hours of protein shakes and green juices while I logging extra miles running and cycling. I was incredibly self-conscious about every inch of my body, and mostly about my mid-section. I was the product of the “super-model era”, when waifs were the IT-girls and to look like a pre-pubescent boy was a thing of beauty. Every modeling job was a chance to say, “Hey – you ARE pretty, you ARE good enough.” But like fake friends, fake feelings never last. They were temporary band-aids to hide my wounded sense of self.

It’s clear to me now that I did not have a clue who I was, let alone love myself. At 26, clinging to the attention of a very fun and charismatic man, I got married. He would be the last in a string of long-term co-dependent relationships. The old Shanti needed to be with men that felt like they had to “save me.” The price of their love was high, and I paid with my need to please and my need to feel “not good enough.”

My surgery saved my life.

Quite literally, yes, but my emotional rescue was even more profound.

A couple days after surgery, while laying in ICU, I wrote in my journal:
Dear Diary: “I guess this is what people mean by getting a second chance. I am one of the lucky ones… to have all of my anger, frustration, fear and pain, physically removed from my body. I am an emotional clean slate. I am so grateful for this chance to truly start living my life.”

I can’t explain why I had such a clear sense of knowing, but I have never been so sure of anything in my life. Is this what all people experience when faced with their own mortality? My tumor was a self-inflicted wound created by holding in 30 years of emotional pain. Not feeling understood by my family as a child, to feeling tormented by classmates, and hating myself for never fitting in or fitting the mold of how a girl/young lady/woman was supposed to behave.

At first I was shocked by the size of my scar. I bought all the “scar creams” and cover-ups, and imagined I would continue to hide my mid-section with big shirts and tankinis.

What happened was very unexpected.






I just didn’t care anymore.






I finally accepted my body, scars and all, for what it was– Mine. The months of recovery were tough and I was told that without my spleen, I would be sick all of the time. I would also never attain the same level of fitness ever again. They had stitched me up so tight that I walked like a hunch-back and just pushing myself up out of bed left me wincing and breathless. But it is true that time heals. Little by little I began to move, sitting upright on my spin bike and going for long walks. I also vowed that my new life was going to be filled with love and smiles. Doing only the things that brought me joy and spending time with people that truly loved and supported me.


Like the tumor, I removed everything toxic from my life.

I now give my permission to just be myself. Instead of doing, pushing, and forcing – I feel. I have also learned to love my scars. They represent lessons and growth. I do not think I would be physically or emotionally where I am now if it were not for my illness and the surgery. I am grateful for every ugly and uncomfortable moment, for every mean word spoken in my direction, and every physical and emotional ache, for they encouraged me to embrace my inner strength, to rise up and own ME, my true self that loves all of me – every flaw, every scar.

The truth is, we all have scars. Your scars are badges of honor. A reminder that you faced a challenge, walked through the fire, fought your demons, was presented with lessons and survived.

You are your own hero and it is up to you to create your own happily ever after!


Grinta – Hanging Tough


Grinta-  Italian – meaning to “hang tough”

Manuel, an ex pro Grand Tour racer and lead guide for our InGamba Portugal trip, points twice to his back tire and says “Just focus on the wheel.” I take a deep breathe as I slip my hands into the drops and pull up within 3 inches of his wheel… I know what this means – it is time to work. We start to accelerate and he yells “Grinta!”

I know how to suffer. I spent a good part of my adult-life competing in mountain bike races, ranging from 2 hours to 8 days. As Manuel starts to lead me into this attack on my husband, Mack, and another fellow guest, I look to the top of the hill – it is far. I am ready to mash the pedals and dig deep but remembering Miguel’s words, I instead focus on his back wheel and just settle into the rhythm. Grinta. The climb passes by almost effortlessly and I shoot a sly smile as I pass Mack at the top.

This is what has taken me 42 years to learn. Stay present and work smarter, not harder. Whether it be attacking on a climb, losing the last 5 pounds, or getting a report in by the Friday deadline – focus on the task at hand and release the attachment to the goal or outcome. Things will go a lot smoother.


The next time you find yourself looking at the clock during a tough workout or stressing over the amount of emails in your inbox, just take a deep breath and focus on what is right in front of you. The next pedal stroke, the next rep, or that next email WILL get done. Grinta and before you know it you’ll be flashing a sly smile for a job well done.